느낌 씨가 오고 있다_ 황혜경

순 서

누구의 아이를 낳을 것인가
이전에
누구를 묻어줄 때까지 사랑할 것인가
결정하는 일






다만, 마지막으로 하고 싶은 말을 남기라 하면
오랫동안 나는 혼자였지만
"나는 너를 생략한 우리였다"
                                             
                                                                   - 우리 -




       내가 아니면 안된다고 네가 울고 절대 너는 안된
다고 내가 울었다 완성하고자 했던 관계는 포함하려
는 문장 쪽에서 늘 발을 빼곤 했으므로 지금 나는 느
낌 씨를 믿기로 결심한다 더 늙고 가망 없어질 때까
지 추억에 관한 이야기는 하지 않을 것이므로 몸의
부위로 말고 허공의 부위로의 나는 느낌 씨만 절대적
으로 믿기로 하고

                                                       - 느낌 씨가 오고 있다-

끝과 시작- 비스와바 쉼보르스카

Jeune & Jolie

Dan La Maison

(flower) oriental style flower arrangement with Magnolia

This is the oriental style spring flower arrangement in a vase.

Magnolia lilifolra DESR, 紫木蓮
Anthurium leaf
Tulip
Chrysanthemum, 小菊
호엽난

2011.2.16

(movie) Being John Malkovich

I chose this movie because I'm interested in John Malkovich who is already pretty old, but I think still a sexy actor, after watching the movie "Dagerous Laisons". Then I realized that this movie was written by a genius writer Charlie Kauffman who wrote my favorite movie ever "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind". And my review of "Being John Malkovich" is 'absolutely amazing!'

Every situation in this movie is odd. The office is located on the seventh and a half floor in New York. The speech disturbance secretary is regarded as normal, and the normal president thinks he has an impediment.

New employee Schwartz finds the portal linked to Malkovich's brain in his office, by chance. His unrequited lover and colleague Maxine starts business of 200 dollars for each , while Schwartz is agonizing over it, philosophically. After experiencing the portal, Schwartz's wife, Lotte finds out she is lesbian or bisexual and Lotte and Maxine fall in love, but Maxine loves Lotte when Lotte is inside Malkovich's brain.

The highlight or climax of this movie for me was the scene in which Malkovich, himself, entered the portal to Malkovich. I was really expecting how this scene would come out. I could't imagine that. What I thought was that Malkovich would fall in sleep and dream. (It seems like I was affected by Avatar, after all) I just felt inferior to Kauffman. Malkovich inside Malkovich, Malkovich inside Malkovich, Malkovich inside Malkovich, Malkovich inside Malkovich, .......The infinite repetition was the world of Malkovich which is filled with Malkovich. In the restaurant, all customers have Malkovich's face including the waiter and the erotic singer with a red dress, and even all menus were written to Malkovich. How imaginative he is!

One more thing, Schwartz is already in Malkovich's brain and what if Lotte and Maxine entered that portal together? Oh no~~~~~~~~~~~.They were in the realm of the subconcious, which is shameful memories from Malkovich's childhood.

Schwartz is in Malkovich. So then is he Malkovich or Schwartz?
At first, it was Malkovich, because Schwartz only could see through Malkovich's eyes only for 15 minutes. Then he could figured out he could control Malkovich's body. Finally he controlled Malkovich's fully, and changed Malko's life from famous actor to puppeteer, which was Schwartz's job. So, is he Schwartz, after all?
And Maxine loves and marries this status of Malko controlled by Schwartz, even though she didn't like Schwartz, before. So now, does she love Malko or Schwartz?

It is a real 'profound meditation on consciousness, identity, fame, gender and reality', as the film critic Ann Hornaday said in the Baltimore Sun.
So I asked to my husband "Do you like my soul or body?"
And he answered "Of course both. All of you."
That is the right answer, both soul and body.
However, I'm still confusing who it is.

Ummmm. I'd like to watch "Alice in Wonderland" now. I'm curious of the 'portal' in 'Alice in Wonderland'.

(movie) Camille Claudel

To me, Camille was just a "love of Rodin". That's all. I think many of you also know that. I didn't have any interest to her works before, because it is overshadowed by Rodin's.

Many people think that artists need some madness or misfortune in their lives for the artistic inspiration. It can be sublimated in art like Van Gogh's. It is almost impossible to be a great artist in their lifetime, but Van Gogh was fortunate, after all. There are too many unfortunate but also forgotten artists. Camille is one of them, I think.


"The Age of Maturity"


"The Waltz, 1899-1905"

After I watched the movie "Camille Claudel", I was really angry about her life.

I'm totally not a feminist, but while watching movies I thought her madness was not because she was a genius with too much passion and inspiration, but because she was a woman. Maybe also she was too pure and naive.

Camille met Rodin when she was 17 years old: Rodin was 41 at that time. They fell in love because they had same passion about sculpture.

She got off on the wrong foot. I think everything was her own fault.

First of all, she wanted to be a sculptor "Camille Claudel", not one of the Rodin's assistants. It was her own fault. She touched on the issues that were taboo at that time (or even now). There was a silent taboo made by men. Also, nobody wants their assistant being more famous than themselves, even it is their lover. Especially if it is a man. he doesn't want to accept a little girl, whatever talent she had.

Second, even though she was obssessed with marrying him, he already had everything: a warm house and wife, a fame as a sculptor, and money. Camille was just one of his mistresses, or a muse as a source of artistic inspiration for him, but she just didn't realize it. She was too young and pure when she met him: she was just 17 years old! See? He had no intention of marrying her.

Her life had no meaning without Rodin. When she turned 49, she was sent to a mental hospital.

We should never ignore a life, no matter whose life it is. Camille's life was totally neglected by the people around her. People didn't buy her sculpture anymore after they broke up and did not even accept it as hers. Her younger brother, Paul Claudel, who was a successful diplomat and poet, sent her to the hospital. Was she that dangerous? She was a just pitiful woman who fell in love! Rodin never visited her in the psychiatric hospital. People around her killed her by ignoring her, I think. Unless people neglect themsleves, others should not do harm by bad mouthing or ignoring any individal. It is cruel.